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Funny Quotes

Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think.
Unknown
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else.
Will Rogers
The funny thing about stopping is that as soon as you do it, here you are.
Jon Kabit-Zinn
I believe that forgiving them is God's function. Our job is simply to arrange the meeting. (on those behind the 911 attacks)
Gen. H. Norman Schwarzkopf
Fun has a sacred dimension.
Adriana Diaz
It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a funny joke and you laugh so hard you spit the toothpick out and it hits him in the face or something.
Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
It is easy to forget that the most important aspect of comedy, after all, its great saving grace, is its ambiguity. You can simultaneously laugh at a situation, and take it seriously.
Stephen Fry
Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.
Doug Larson
If aliens from outer space ever come and we show them our civilization and they make fun of it, we should say we were just kidding, that this isn't really our civilization, but a gag we hoped they would like. Then we tell them to come back in twenty years to see our REAL civilization. After that, we start a crash program of coming up with an impressive new civilization. Either that, or just shoot down the aliens as they're waving good-bye.
Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
I think a good way to get in a movie is to show up where they're making the movie, then stick a big cactus plant onto your buttocks and start yowling and running around. Everyone would think it was funny, and the head movie guy would say, 'Hey, let's put him in the movie.'
Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather.
Michael Pritchard
There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.
Jerry Seinfeld
To wear your heart on your sleeve isn't a very good plan you should wear it inside, where it functions best.
Margaret Hilda Thatcher
Funny how the new things are the old things.
Rudyard Kipling
Funny business, a woman's career the things you drop on the way up the ladder so you can move faster. You forget you'll need them again when you get back to being a woman. It's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted.
Joseph L. Mankiewicz
The world is a funny paper read backwards. And that way it isn't so funny.
Tennessee Williams
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