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Funny Quotes

I bet a funny thing about driving a car off a cliff is, while you're in midair, you still hit those brakes Hey, better try the emergency brake
Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
If I ever do a book on the Amazon, I hope I am able to bring a certain lightheartedness to the subject, in a way that will tell the reader we are going to have fun with this thing.
Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
If you're robbing a bank, and your pants suddenly fall down, I think it's okay to laugh, and to let the hostages laugh too, because come on, life is funny.
Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
The artist has one function--to affirm and glorify life.
W. Edward Brown
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Peter Ustinov
Outings are so much more fun when we can savor them through the children's eyes.
Lawana Blackwell
You should always go to other people's funerals, otherwise, they won't come to yours.
Lawrence Peter Berra
Age is a function of mind over matter if you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
Leroy Robert Satchel Paige
A little girl can be sweeter (and badder) oftener than anyone else in the world. She can jitter around, and stomp, and make funny noises that frazzle your nerves, yet just when you open your mouth she stands there demure with that special look in her eyes. A girl is Innocence playing in the mud, Beauty standing on its head, and Motherhood dragging a doll by the foot.
Alan Marshall Beck
It was no Insurrection or Rebellion, or even Civil War in any proper sense of these terms... The war... was a war between States regularly organized into two separate Federal Republics... In the beginning, and throughout the contest, the object of the 'Confederates' was to maintain the separate Sovereignty of each State, and the right of self-government, which that necessarily carries with it. The object of the 'Federals,' on the contrary, was to maintain a Centralized Sovereignty over all the States on both sides. This was the fundamental principle involved in the Conflict, which must be kept continually in mind.
Alexander Hamilton Stephens
When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth.
George Bernard Shaw
There is but one truly serious philosophical problem, and that is suicide. Judging whether life is or is not worth living amounts to answering the fundamental question of philosophy.
Albert Camus
The funny thing about stopping is that as soon as you do it, here you are.
Jon Kabit-Zinn
Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think.
Unknown
It is not funny that anything else should fall down only that a man should fall down. Why do we laugh Because it is a gravely religious matter it is the Fall of Man. Only man can be absurd for only man can be dignified.
Gilbert Keith Chesterton
Eternity has nothing to do with the hereafter... This is it... If you don't get it here, you won't get it anywhere. The experience of eternity right here and now is the function of life. Heaven is not the place to have the experience here's the place to have the experience.
Joseph Campbell
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