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Funny Quotes

The best ideas come from jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible.
David Ogilvie
The wit makes fun of other persons the satirist makes fun of the world the humorist makes fun of himself.
James Thurber
To wear your heart on your sleeve isn't a very good plan you should wear it inside, where it functions best.
Margaret Hilda Thatcher
To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I've wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad.
Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
Charlie Chaplin
Minds are like parachutes. They only function when they are open.
Lester R Bittel
I would rather be ashes than dust I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.
Jack London
When someone who is known for being comedic does something straight, it' s always 'a big breakthrough' or a 'radical departure.' Why is it no one ever says that if a straight actor does comedy Are they presuming comedy is easier
Carol Burnett
Congress is functioning the way the Founding Fathers intended-not very well. They understood that if you move too quickly, our democracy will be less responsible to the majority.
Barber B. Conable, Jr
Isn't it funny how whenever we go to a county fair or a state fair, the first thing we do is see if they have some kind of pornography booth
Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
We see but dimly through the mists and vapors Amid these earthly damps What seem to us but sad, funeral tapers May be heaven's distant lamps.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
All schools, all colleges have two great functions to confer, and to conceal valuable knowledge. - Notebook, 1908
Mark Twain
Learn the fundamentals of the game and stick to them. Band-Aid remedies never last.
Jack William Nicklaus
Reverence for life affords me my fundamental principle of morality.
Albert Schweitzer
Procrastination is like a credit card it's a lot of fun until you get the bill.
Christopher Parker
There is no passion like that of a functionary for his function.
Georges Clemenceau
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